kersen | Angelique

Angelique

After the night of his trial, Kersen had texted Angelique to let her know that he was okay, but that she might not hear from him for a bit. He waited until he felt a little more under control, at least enough that he thought he could carry on a conversation without lapsing into a gooey pile of guilt.

When he got back in touch, he asked if she'd like to meet him somewhere, or if she'd like to come by the bar. She'd chosen the latter, and he was glad. There were multiple reasons why having the opportunity for privacy with her might be good. Not least of which being the conversation they were going to have to have, about vampires.

He was a little closer (though nowhere there yet) to his usual sparkly self tonight. Wearing leather trousers and a black shirt emblazoned with a swirling rose. He was behind the bar, mostly pouring wine.

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"Yes, that it is," Kersen said. "Some good parts... though honestly, mostly very bad parts."

He imagined Angelique's reaction if he told her some vampires had carved faggot into his chest. She was such a sweet soul, and that was exactly the kind of ugliness he should shield her from.

"So then, you... abdicated?" Angelique ventured a guess. It must be so, since there was a different authority now, who had done this to Kersen.

"Something like that," Kersen said. "I wasn't like I really had a right to it in the first place. I was just trying to make sure that things didn't get worse. But even that taste of power - I didn't like what I saw it turning me into. And then the Authority finally sent someone to fill in the power vacuum. And Eric is... well, I guess as good as I could expect in a practical context."

"Is... Eric... the man who passed judgement?" Angelique asked, wanting very much to understand even though Kersen didn't want her to. "Someone I should be angry with?"

Kersen shook his head. "No, he's just in charge of the vampires in London. The Magistrate is like... judge, jury, and executioner. Actually... Eric helped me. Said a few words that I think spared my life, despite how unhappy I am with the actual outcome."

"Then I'm grateful to him, for keeping my friend in my life," Angelique said quietly, squeezing Kersen's hand again. "So. What happens now? For you, for the girl?"

"She's my responsibility now," he said. "And... that's as much as I can tell you. I don't know how things will go with her... there are ways it could go very badly. Or maybe it will be better. I can tell you though that I should be out of danger. As terrible as the Authority can be, they at least abide by their own rules."

Angelique glanced down, but nodded her understanding. "I'm just glad you're safe. That last night we spoke, I just... I've been calling myself such a fool ever since then. I wanted to be able to do more for you, but I... you're dealing with something so enormous, you have so much more experience, and I... literally all I could do for you was stay out of the way."

Kersen took her hand and squeezed it. "And I in turn felt terrible for dumping such a burden on you so soon after we'd gotten to know each other."

Angelique wrapped her fingers around Kersen's hand. "It's not a burden, Kersen. I promise. I wish you'd stop feeling guilty about telling me the truth. I wish you'd let me... do something other than know and worry for you."

"You have no idea what a comfort it is to me to have such a supportive friend," Kersen said. He still couldn't quite believe it, that she'd accepted him so readily. "You can keep doing that."

Angelique didn't think that very much. She studied Kersen's face for a long moment, before sighing quietly. "All right. That's good to know, I suppose."

Another glance down, and she added, "What I said to you that night, Kersen... I still care about you, my feelings haven't changed. I will always be your friend, and I will always be absolutely delighted to take you to bed, but... I know that anything more isn't going to happen."

Kersen's expression softened. He reached out and put a hand on her cheek, lifting her head. "Oh Angelique." He wondered if she'd somehow learned more about Michael, or if it was something else. But in the end, Michael didn't really matter, not to think. "You don't want to be with a vampire, not like that. You haven't thought through the complications."

Angelique looked up at him steadily, sad, but still certain. She took his hand and attempted to take it from her face. She didn't want tenderness like that. "No, because you won't let me. You've already made the decision that you'll always keep me at an arm's length. I can't be with someone where I'll always be on the periphery. That's my decision."

Kersen pulled his hand away, and looked a little pained. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "It's not that I've made some decision, I didn't know I had to. I'll tell you whatever you want to know, I just... didn't want to set you up for being hurt."

Maybe she had gone too far, but boldness was her nature, and she'd had time to think about it. "I think you're wonderful," Angelique told him honestly. "I think I could feel something for you, quite easily, but... I don't want to be protected, Kersen. I don't want to be hurt, either, but I'd rather face hurt with clear eyes than be kept in the dark."

It was a fair statement. A fair stance. He offered her a little smile. "I feel badly that I had to lie to you, before you knew the truth. Ask me anything you like. I'll answer truthfully."

There was really only one question, and it had nothing to do with Kersen's long life or supernatural diet. Angelique looked him in the eyes when she asked. "Are you already in love with someone?"

Kersen looked surprised, because that was certainly not the question he'd been expecting. Then a bit sheepish, looking down.

"Not exactly. Well. Yes... sort of." That was not a good answer. He looked up at her. "I apologize. I assume for some people that is a simple answer, but for this it is complicated. Do I love him? Yes. I think I do. But does he love me? I don't know. I think he feels as much for me as he might feel for anyone. Though we certainly aren't monogamous. And I don't think I hope for more from him, not at this point. I won't lie that in some ways it leaves me lonely. But what we have, it works well for what it is, and I'm not willing to give it up."

He thought that was probably the most he'd ever articulated about his relationship with Michael, even to himself.

Angelique gave a small, slow nod, in acknowledgement of Kersen's truthfulness and his completeness. It couldn't be easy for him to speak such honesty about the feelings of someone he cared for. Her eyes were sympathetic, but she didn't melt. Not yet.

"Do you find that to be a deterrent to beginning another relationship? Not that I expect you to fall in love with me, mind."

"I like you, Angelique," Kersen said gently. "I'd like to spent more time with you. And in my bed, if you wanted that. And..." He wanted to tell her all the ways he could end up hurting her. But. "And you can make your own choices about what you want."

"I think that's fair," Angelique agreed after a thoughtful moment. "And I hope your fellow is absolutely stellar in bed and keeps you satisfied, otherwise I'll be quite cross with him," she added matter-of-factly.

"I think... we're in agreement. At least I hope we are."

Kersen assumed that she did not actually want an answer to her hope about Michael. And she wasn't wrong. Stellar was a good word. Michael gave him exactly what he needed, most of the time. Though there were also things he couldn't get from Michael.

"We aren't supposed to shake on it are we?" he chuckled.

Angelique breathed a little laugh into her glass, and shook her head. Then, she shifted closer to him and looked up with that same open frankness in her gaze. "I'd prefer to seal it with a kiss, if you feel the same."

Kersen smiled at her. Then he leaned towards her and brushed his lips softly against hers first, and then pressing them together in a real kiss.

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